Saturday, January 27, 2007


I don't knonw who you are Todd, nor what your problems may be, but tonight I envy you and those.

Friday, January 26, 2007

I have no heart...true story...

“I got soul but I’m not a soldier.”
“I have no heart.”
“As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.”
“I have a black hole in place of one.”
“That must suck.”
“I was quoting wizard of oz btw, the man and the movie (FYI).”
“I spend all my energy making sure that no one gets sucked into the pull of it.”
“You serious? I’m sorry it’s hard to tell sometimes.”
“It’s a difficult job, but even lacking a heart I care for others.”
“Everyone has a heart.”
“Except for me.
We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.”
“Hearts are fragile, but just because the get busted don't mean they aren’t there. They make us human.”
“Are you saying I’m not human?”
“No, I'm saying I know you have a heart.”
“I’ve explained to you that I don’t and what is in its place.”
“What happened to it?”
“Well it’s a long story. But I have time.”
“Me too, and if you're willing to share I’d be happy to listen.
“Alright then, I am ready for it. So here’s how it goes...”

It was about 12 years ago, I was on the verge of turning 6. Funny things started happening, really funny things...

A man opens a theme park where he displays his man made clones of billion year old dinosaurs, a French man kills his whole family and then tries to burn himself (though not really a funny thing in the sense of the others, but funny nonetheless), a memorial to the made up story of mass slaughtering during WWII by the Germans is erected.
Funny things were happening, I tell you, funny things.

But a little closer to home I noticed odd happenings. The most vivid happening was that Mongolia was holding its first direct presidential elections. Now I know what you are thinking, why is that so vivid? Well it just so happens that my 3rd uncle once removed son’s friend happened to be one of the nominees.

Most people would think that person is "distant" to me, but they were wrong. Me and Xiang Chin, we were like this (crosses fingers)!

Well Xiang (I call him X for short and because I cannot for the love of me figure out how to pronounce his name) wanted to be president after years of doing what? None other than being a professional groupie for Kansas (singers of the hit "Dust in the Wind")

Well when X was groupeeing, he got these strange thoughts; maybe from years of not using his own mind and living off the thoughts of others, or from the pot he smoked...we'll never know.
He started to get suspicious that Kansas was putting coded messages to former USSR high officials...his first thought was to ask them if it was true...but discarded that when he realized that if it was true, they would kill him so their secret didn’t leak.

Well he had two choices, ask around and see if anyone else stumbled onto these messages, or take the long road and find them himself.

Well X ended up smoking another J and decided to find them himself, which was the right thing to do because (though he didn’t know it) no one else had found these messages, not even the Russians.

He got lucky, on his first attempt of decoding the message (playing it in reverse, at 2/3 speed, underwater) he heard it, though it wasn’t a message he was expecting.
Kansas was sending him directions to some hidden location, or rather a man that knew a hidden location of some secret object.

Well X took down these directions, he had to piece them together from 12 different songs, and then set off to follow them.

After a long journey, almost 7 miles, X get to where the directions were leading. It was a phone booth in the back of the Chucky Cheeses, he was supposed to make a call to a number he would find written on a piece of paper shoved under the telephone.

Well when he got there, there was a man on the phone, so he waited patiently for a few minutes. Then he realized that this man wasn’t saying anything, so he tapped him on the shoulder so he could talk to him.

X tells it like it was, and from what he says it was slow motion, the man turns around slowly; reaching into his coat, the man behind him saw his face first and yelled EMILIOOOOOOOOO (BANG)! Emilio Estevez, the mighty ducks man, shot down the man behind him, and had the gun pointed at X.

X thought fast, he did the only thing he knew to do, he got down on his knees and cried. Well apparently Emilio Estevez has this thing for crying full grown men, so he cut him some slack.
He brought him back to his luxurious loft downtown, where Emilio explained his story. To make a long story short, Shoui Suzuki was out to kill him. He had somehow fallen across plans for the Japanese version of the death star (it was essentially the same except the circle that shot the planet destroying blast was only a small slit, very hard to see through.)

X never did find out how he came across these plans, but Emilio kept going back to something about being wasted with some hooker and a massive bulge in some pants...good thing X didn’t ask. Good for everyone’s sake.

Well any way, Emilio needed help, and he needed it fast. So he told X that he had two choices, either get him more people to help him fight Shoui or go home live peacefully and never worry about it again.

Luckily for Emilio, X smoked a J on the way back to the downtown loft, and agreed to the first option.

That is where I came in, X didn’t have any friends, since he was on the road with Kansas, even the groupies weren’t his friends, so he went to the closest thing to family he had left (the rest died in a very suspicious manner, something about green light then a skull with snakes coming out of the mouth made of smoke floating in the sky)

Well, I happened to be the closest thing to family, and being only six, not knowing any better, and it was my summer vacation, I went along, and oh I was bored too.

So I went with him, Emilio’s brilliant plan was to sneak into the most secure part of Shoui's palace and to confront him, luckily we had all watched enough movies and TV shows to know that it was easy, and the bad guys dropped like flies right away. Or at least without much trouble

So we make it into the deepest part of the palace, and there is Shoui, sitting on his throne, a beautiful half-naked French woman sitting on his lap and stroking his tiger.

We just waltz in, hard thing to do with three people; a lot of stepping on feet was involved. And Emilio confronts him, but before he can talk Shoui whips out some strange weapon and fires it at him, the moment I knew this would happen, I dove in front of Emilio because I had nothing to lose, the blast hits me and I go down, I was merely stunned for a moment.

But when I get up, I notice that things on the wall are starting to move, loose object on the floor are coming towards me, and Shoui yells FOOL! THAT GUN WAS BUILT TO ONLY KILL EMILIO ESTEVEZ: THE MIGHTY DUCKS MAN! If it hits anyone else, it will vaporize their heart, turning it into a black hole; you must try and block its power! So I tried and tried, and as a dagger was hurtling at me, I finally got it; I stopped the world from being sucked into the place where my heart used to be, and saved the life of Emilio Estevez: The mighty Ducks Man.

That is how I lost my heart and gained a black hole.

Friday, January 19, 2007

How sensitive is that thing!?

Tomorrow, I get back into the swing of things. Until then, I live in the present.

Today was my last day of work at the nursing home over break, and I won't be back until summer. It was a slightly sad moment, but then I realize I will miss my friends there more than anything else about the place. Either way, tonight seemed to want to pass with a bang.

My jobs tonight included clearing all of the dishes in the dining room after the residents finished eating. The nights duties were moving quickly, and I had time to waste before the residents were done eating. So naturally I went to chat with one of the cooks on her break. After a few minutes we hear over the loud speaker, "Fire alarm check in double-A." This meant that a fire alarm was going off in one of the residents rooms and if your department is close to the area you have to send someone to investigate. Well, the kitchen was the closest. The cook was going to send me until I informed her that I didn't know what to do, never in my four years there had I needed to check an alarm because someone else always got to it before me. Then I see one of my fellow workers heading out (his name will go unmentioned because of questionable acts to be committed later in the story). I was told to go along with him, so I did.

Building AA was all the way down at the end of the building, so we sprinted. We sprinted past residents, through sweltering hallways and up stairs. When we got to the room we were slightly winded, because we were out of shape not because it was far. My co-worker knocked on the door. An old woman answered and questioned why we were there. As if she didn't know. When the door opened I immediately smelled something that was getting overcooked. Upon peering into the room, I saw a slight haze too. My co-worker informed her of the alarm check. Her response, "How sensitive is that thing!?" My co-worker continued to lecture her on safety and fires while I got to talk on the loud-speaker to clear the alarm-check. We then strolled back to the dining room.

I then proceeded to clear the dining room. Once I completed this I dished myself up a plate of food from the leftovers on the buffet. Technically we are not supposed to do this, but no one really cares, and plus I had only had two sushi rolls today and two truffles. I was hungry. I took my food and ate it in the store room on a comfy chair. While I was doing this my co-worker comes in and we talk a bit while I am eating. He then finds a can of cooking spray and the conversation turns to flame-throwers. He wants me to use the cooking spray and my Zippo to make a flame-thrower. Well I am not that kind of a daredevil, but he leaves the room for a minute and returns with a fireplace starter. He lights it a few times/sprays and then decides it is done, though I manage to urge him to do one last one...for fun. Then we leave because I had finished. I jokingly turn to him and say, "Wouldn't it be funny to hear 'Alarm check kitchen'?" I kid you not, ten seconds later that is what we heard. I felt the blood leave my face.

The cooks run in and I get into a predictable randomness situation (a situation where you meet someone in your walking path and you both step the same way and it continues for a bit) with one of them. The cooks start checking ovens and stoves to see what is burning. The first chance me and my co-worker get we look at each other and mouth, "It didn't happen." Eventually the cooks realize the smell came from in the store room. But they couldn't figure out what it was. Thankfully.

As we are leaving to punch out, my co-worker turns to me and asks, "How sensitive is that thing!?"

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Calliope Euterpe Clio Erato Melpomene Polyhymnia Terpsichore Thalia and Urania

I would like to apologize. My muses have left me as of late. I have not had the inspiration I need to write something of interest on here. I have tried, do not get me wrong. But when I write it, it doesn't have either the right sound to it or I do not have the strength to post it.

My chief muses are anger and elation, even though technically they are not muses in mythology. I do know that when I return to the dorms I will have one if not both of these muses to help me write. I can think of instances that will arise that will bring me anger, my more common muse. I also can think of an instance that will bring me elation, root for me in this case even if you do not know what it is you are rooting for.

So if there are any of you out there reading this blog and anxiously awaiting a new post each day, have no fear...I should be back to full operating capacity within a week or two.

And on a side note, if anyone is wondering this post comes out of slight elation.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Tale as old as time...

This post is the vanguard for my new year.

To steal a bit from a friend of mine et sa petie valise, I would like to highlight the year past:
  • I was diagnosed with heavy late-onset senioritis
  • I finished the twelth of twelve years so I could graduate
  • I entered the work-force as a full-time man
  • I entered college leaving behind old frinds and making some new
  • I bought groceries, for myself
  • You met me
  • I saw for the first time with my innocent eyes under-age alchohaul consumption...and hated it
  • I past my first semester of college
  • I learned what the feeling of true loneliness feels like

Now, I look forward. I try not to dwell on what has happened, but I focus on what I will make happen.

I have never been one to make New Years Resolutions. But as I look at it, I haven't been hurt by this nor have I benefited. So this year I have set myself a few goals. Those I would like to highlight as well:

  • Find happiness, preferably with another
  • Become a voice of 91.7 FM Student Radio in Madison
  • Save some cash

I, assuming I remember, will return to these goals next year and give you a progress update.

Now I look forward, because "'You got to put your past behind you.' Look, kid. Bad things happen, and you can't do anything about it, right?" Year twenty in this world, what shall it bring?