Da Bears!
Because the Bears are going to the Super Bowl tomorrow night, I have been getting a lot of Bears related emails (mostly from my mom) and I though they should be shared with you.
Q. What kind of gift do you get Devin Hester?
A. Nothing, he's just going to return it.
While at the Fountain Blue Hotel in Miami, a Bears fan is trapped in an elevator with an angry lion, a hungry alligator, and an Indianapolis Colts fan. The Bears fan also has a gun with only two bullets. To survive, who does the Bears Fan shoot?Answer: The Colts fan, TWICE!!
Lovie Smith was seated in front at a Colts press conference. when the Colts coach asked if there were any questions, Lovie said "I heard a great Colts joke, do you want to hear it?" The coach said, "Lovie, look to your left, that's our defensive end. He's 300 pounds and easily irritated. Now look behind you and to your right...both are defensive tackles for the Colts and could beat up anyone. Now, are you sure you want to tell that Colts joke?" Lovie looked at each player, saw how mad they looked and said "Nope! I don't want to have to explain it three times!"
Q. What is the difference between the Colts and Cheerios?
A. Cheerios BELONG in a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between the Indianapolis Colts and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Indianapolis Colts and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Peyton Manning, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Colts flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Peyton," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here."Peyton felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a blue and orange sidewalk, a 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous Bears logo flag, and in every window, a Chicago Bears towel. Peyton looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."God said, "So what's your point, Peyton?""Well, why does Rex Grossman get a better house than me?"God chuckled, and said: "Peyton, that's not Rex's house, it's mine."GO BEARS!!!
A man had 50-yard line tickets for the Bears NFC championship game. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says, "The seat is empty.""This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Championship game and not use it?""Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first game we haven't gone to together since we got married in 1949.""Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."
In honor of the Chicago Bears going to Super Bowl 41. Here are 41 things that have changed from the last time the Chicago Bears played in the Super Bowl (which was Super Bowl 20 in 1986):
1. Brian Urlacher was in 2nd grade. Rex Grossman was in kindergarten.
2. Peyton Manning was 10 years old. Eli Manning was 5 years old. Thier dad, Archie, had just retired from the NFL two years earlier.
3. Lovie Smith was in his first college coaching job at University of Tulsa.
4. Ronald Reagan was the President, and Harold Washington was the Mayor. James R. Thompson was the Governor running for re-election and his office was in the new State of Illinois Center, which is now called the James R. Thompson Center.
5. George W. Bush was 39 years old and still drinking. His father would run for President two years later.
6. Rod Blagojevich was just out of law school and was a low-level prosecutor working for the Cook County State's Attorney, Richard M.Daley.
7. Barack Obama had just moved to Illinois, and Osama bin Laden was fighting the Soviets in Afghanistan.
8. Red Grange and Sid Luckman were still alive.
9. The Colts had just moved to Indianapolis from Baltimore and were the doormat of the AFC EAST. The Bears were the champions of the NFC CENTRAL.
10. Property in Wicker Park and Bucktown was cheap because they were really bad neighborhoods.
11. CD players, cellular phones and fax machines were expensive,cutting edge technology and only a few people used them.
12. "Surfing the net" meant a volleyball game at the beach, and virtually no one used the "@" key on their TYPEWRITER.
13. Sam Walton was still alive and was wealthier than Bill Gates. Windows were panes of glass...not a computer operating system that was a pain in something that rhymes with glass.
14. The Soviet Union was our main enemy, and Saddam Hussein was our ally.
15. There were no lights at Wrigley Field, and the oldest park in baseball belonged to the White Sox.
16. Michael Jordan and Ozzie Guillen had just finished their "Rookie of the Year" seasons. Jordan's coach was Stan Albeck and Guillen's manager was Tony LaRussa. (Three out of four of those guys are now wearing championship rings, but what ever happened to Stan Albeck???)
17. Soldier Field had Astro Turf. The Houston Oilers played in the Astro Dome.
18. The Fox TV Network didn't exist, and ESPN had yet to air a single live pro football, baseball, or basketball game.
19. MTV played music and so did some AM radio stations.
20. Lindsay Lohan and Hillary Duff weren't born yet; Jackie Gleason and Richard Nixon were still alive.
21. Hillary Clinton had dark hair and was the First Lady......of Arkansas!
22. "The Love Boat" and "Diff'rent Strokes" were still on network TV every week.
23. Martin Luther King Day was about to be celebrated as a National Holiday for the first time. "9-11" was just a phone number as many cities were just adopting for emergency calls - not a date of terror.
24. I-88 was called "Illinois Rt. 5" and I-355 hadn't been built yet.
25. What the CTA now calls "The Blue Line" had just been extended to O'Hare, and the Orange Line to Midway hadn't been built yet.
26. Q101 played adult contemporary music and most teenagers listened to WLS. Music from the 70s and 80s wasn't "retro" yet.
27. Tiger Woods hadn't won an amateur golf tournament yet.
28. Most people knew Seattle just as a city in the Northwest U.S. - not the home of grunge or Starbucks.
29. Only Southerners went to NASCAR races and only Northerners went to NHL games.
30. The Chicago area had no Wal-Marts, Targets or Home Depots, and Walgreens was only in the Midwest.
31. Depending on your bank, your ATM card was good at only "CashStation" machines or only at "Money Network" machines, but there were no fees.
32. "The Phone Company" was Illinois Bell.
33. They still sold leaded gasoline and you couldn't pay for your gas at the pump.
34. Discover Card hadn't been discovered yet, and Miller Genuine Draft hadn't been brewed yet.
35. Stereo TVs were the rage that HDTVs are now. 8-track tapes were still being made.
36. All of the Blockbuster Video stores that are now closing hadn't opened yet. Betamax was still competing with VHS.
37. You paid cash for your groceries and fast food, and you used a travel agent to book airline flights.
38. Bowl games didn't have corporate sponsors, and if the #1 ranked team was in a conference that played in one bowl game and the #2 ranked team was in a conference that played in another bowl game, then so be it! They let the sportswriters vote on the national champion. (and no college football games were played after New Year's Day)
39. The Baltimore Ravens were the Cleveland Browns. The Tennessee Titans were the Houston Oilers. The Oakland Raiders were the Los Angeles Raiders that had just left Oakland. The Arizona Cardinals (the former Phoenix Cardinals) were the St. Louis Cardinals, and the St. Louis Rams were the Los Angeles Rams. The Jacksonville Jaguars, Carolina Panthers,Houston Texans, and the Cleveland Browns (not to be confused with the Cleveland Browns that are now the Baltimore Ravens) didn't exist. The Seattle Seahawks (last year's NFC Champions) played in the AFC.
40. Number 9 on the Bears was their Punky QB...not their perky fieldgoal kicker.
41. There were no iPods - just Sony Walkmen - so if you said something about a "shuffle" on your Walkman, they assumed you were listening to"The Super Bowl Shuffle"
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Indianapolis Colts fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Colts fans too. Not really knowing what a Colts fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air.
There is, however, one exception. Susie has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.ÂBecause IÂm not a Colts fan she reports. ÂThen, asks the teacher,Âwhat are you? ÂIÂm a Chicago Bears fan! boasts the little girl. The teacher asks Susie why she is a Bears fan. ÂWell, my Dad and Mom are Bears fans, so IÂm a Bears fan too she responds. ÂThatÂs no reason, the teacher says. ÂWhat if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?Â
Susie smiles and says, ÂA Colts fan.Â
(AP) -The COLTS football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Tony Dungy immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again...
One day, while driving along, I saw a priest. I thought I would do a good deed, so I pulled over and asked the priest,
"Where are you going Father?"
"I'm going to give mass at St. Francis Church, about 2 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father! I'll give you a lift!"
The priest climbed into the rear passenger seat, and we continued down the road. Suddenly, I saw a Green Bay fan walking down the road, with that "G" shirt on and I instinctively swerved as if to hit him but, as usual, I swerved back into the road just in time.
Even though I was certain that I had missed the guy, I still heard a loud "THUD."
Not understanding where the noise came from, I glanced in my mirrors but still didn't see anything. I then remembered the priest, and turned to the priest and said,
"Sorry Father, I almost hit that Green Bay fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door."
Q. What kind of gift do you get Devin Hester?
A. Nothing, he's just going to return it.
While at the Fountain Blue Hotel in Miami, a Bears fan is trapped in an elevator with an angry lion, a hungry alligator, and an Indianapolis Colts fan. The Bears fan also has a gun with only two bullets. To survive, who does the Bears Fan shoot?Answer: The Colts fan, TWICE!!
Lovie Smith was seated in front at a Colts press conference. when the Colts coach asked if there were any questions, Lovie said "I heard a great Colts joke, do you want to hear it?" The coach said, "Lovie, look to your left, that's our defensive end. He's 300 pounds and easily irritated. Now look behind you and to your right...both are defensive tackles for the Colts and could beat up anyone. Now, are you sure you want to tell that Colts joke?" Lovie looked at each player, saw how mad they looked and said "Nope! I don't want to have to explain it three times!"
Q. What is the difference between the Colts and Cheerios?
A. Cheerios BELONG in a bowl.
Q: What's the difference between the Indianapolis Colts and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: What do the Indianapolis Colts and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Peyton Manning, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Colts flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Peyton," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here."Peyton felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a blue and orange sidewalk, a 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous Bears logo flag, and in every window, a Chicago Bears towel. Peyton looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."God said, "So what's your point, Peyton?""Well, why does Rex Grossman get a better house than me?"God chuckled, and said: "Peyton, that's not Rex's house, it's mine."GO BEARS!!!
A man had 50-yard line tickets for the Bears NFC championship game. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says, "The seat is empty.""This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Championship game and not use it?""Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first game we haven't gone to together since we got married in 1949.""Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."
In honor of the Chicago Bears going to Super Bowl 41. Here are 41 things that have changed from the last time the Chicago Bears played in the Super Bowl (which was Super Bowl 20 in 1986):
1. Brian Urlacher was in 2nd grade. Rex Grossman was in kindergarten.
2. Peyton Manning was 10 years old. Eli Manning was 5 years old. Thier dad, Archie, had just retired from the NFL two years earlier.
3. Lovie Smith was in his first college coaching job at University of Tulsa.
4. Ronald Reagan was the President, and Harold Washington was the Mayor. James R. Thompson was the Governor running for re-election and his office was in the new State of Illinois Center, which is now called the James R. Thompson Center.
5. George W. Bush was 39 years old and still drinking. His father would run for President two years later.
6. Rod Blagojevich was just out of law school and was a low-level prosecutor working for the Cook County State's Attorney, Richard M.Daley.
7. Barack Obama had just moved to Illinois, and Osama bin Laden was fighting the Soviets in Afghanistan.
8. Red Grange and Sid Luckman were still alive.
9. The Colts had just moved to Indianapolis from Baltimore and were the doormat of the AFC EAST. The Bears were the champions of the NFC CENTRAL.
10. Property in Wicker Park and Bucktown was cheap because they were really bad neighborhoods.
11. CD players, cellular phones and fax machines were expensive,cutting edge technology and only a few people used them.
12. "Surfing the net" meant a volleyball game at the beach, and virtually no one used the "@" key on their TYPEWRITER.
13. Sam Walton was still alive and was wealthier than Bill Gates. Windows were panes of glass...not a computer operating system that was a pain in something that rhymes with glass.
14. The Soviet Union was our main enemy, and Saddam Hussein was our ally.
15. There were no lights at Wrigley Field, and the oldest park in baseball belonged to the White Sox.
16. Michael Jordan and Ozzie Guillen had just finished their "Rookie of the Year" seasons. Jordan's coach was Stan Albeck and Guillen's manager was Tony LaRussa. (Three out of four of those guys are now wearing championship rings, but what ever happened to Stan Albeck???)
17. Soldier Field had Astro Turf. The Houston Oilers played in the Astro Dome.
18. The Fox TV Network didn't exist, and ESPN had yet to air a single live pro football, baseball, or basketball game.
19. MTV played music and so did some AM radio stations.
20. Lindsay Lohan and Hillary Duff weren't born yet; Jackie Gleason and Richard Nixon were still alive.
21. Hillary Clinton had dark hair and was the First Lady......of Arkansas!
22. "The Love Boat" and "Diff'rent Strokes" were still on network TV every week.
23. Martin Luther King Day was about to be celebrated as a National Holiday for the first time. "9-11" was just a phone number as many cities were just adopting for emergency calls - not a date of terror.
24. I-88 was called "Illinois Rt. 5" and I-355 hadn't been built yet.
25. What the CTA now calls "The Blue Line" had just been extended to O'Hare, and the Orange Line to Midway hadn't been built yet.
26. Q101 played adult contemporary music and most teenagers listened to WLS. Music from the 70s and 80s wasn't "retro" yet.
27. Tiger Woods hadn't won an amateur golf tournament yet.
28. Most people knew Seattle just as a city in the Northwest U.S. - not the home of grunge or Starbucks.
29. Only Southerners went to NASCAR races and only Northerners went to NHL games.
30. The Chicago area had no Wal-Marts, Targets or Home Depots, and Walgreens was only in the Midwest.
31. Depending on your bank, your ATM card was good at only "CashStation" machines or only at "Money Network" machines, but there were no fees.
32. "The Phone Company" was Illinois Bell.
33. They still sold leaded gasoline and you couldn't pay for your gas at the pump.
34. Discover Card hadn't been discovered yet, and Miller Genuine Draft hadn't been brewed yet.
35. Stereo TVs were the rage that HDTVs are now. 8-track tapes were still being made.
36. All of the Blockbuster Video stores that are now closing hadn't opened yet. Betamax was still competing with VHS.
37. You paid cash for your groceries and fast food, and you used a travel agent to book airline flights.
38. Bowl games didn't have corporate sponsors, and if the #1 ranked team was in a conference that played in one bowl game and the #2 ranked team was in a conference that played in another bowl game, then so be it! They let the sportswriters vote on the national champion. (and no college football games were played after New Year's Day)
39. The Baltimore Ravens were the Cleveland Browns. The Tennessee Titans were the Houston Oilers. The Oakland Raiders were the Los Angeles Raiders that had just left Oakland. The Arizona Cardinals (the former Phoenix Cardinals) were the St. Louis Cardinals, and the St. Louis Rams were the Los Angeles Rams. The Jacksonville Jaguars, Carolina Panthers,Houston Texans, and the Cleveland Browns (not to be confused with the Cleveland Browns that are now the Baltimore Ravens) didn't exist. The Seattle Seahawks (last year's NFC Champions) played in the AFC.
40. Number 9 on the Bears was their Punky QB...not their perky fieldgoal kicker.
41. There were no iPods - just Sony Walkmen - so if you said something about a "shuffle" on your Walkman, they assumed you were listening to"The Super Bowl Shuffle"
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Indianapolis Colts fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Colts fans too. Not really knowing what a Colts fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air.
There is, however, one exception. Susie has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.ÂBecause IÂm not a Colts fan she reports. ÂThen, asks the teacher,Âwhat are you? ÂIÂm a Chicago Bears fan! boasts the little girl. The teacher asks Susie why she is a Bears fan. ÂWell, my Dad and Mom are Bears fans, so IÂm a Bears fan too she responds. ÂThatÂs no reason, the teacher says. ÂWhat if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?Â
Susie smiles and says, ÂA Colts fan.Â
(AP) -The COLTS football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Tony Dungy immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again...
One day, while driving along, I saw a priest. I thought I would do a good deed, so I pulled over and asked the priest,
"Where are you going Father?"
"I'm going to give mass at St. Francis Church, about 2 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father! I'll give you a lift!"
The priest climbed into the rear passenger seat, and we continued down the road. Suddenly, I saw a Green Bay fan walking down the road, with that "G" shirt on and I instinctively swerved as if to hit him but, as usual, I swerved back into the road just in time.
Even though I was certain that I had missed the guy, I still heard a loud "THUD."
Not understanding where the noise came from, I glanced in my mirrors but still didn't see anything. I then remembered the priest, and turned to the priest and said,
"Sorry Father, I almost hit that Green Bay fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door."
posted by Danny at 10:21 AM
2 Comments:
All my Asian friends were for the Colts. I turn everything into a race thing, I don't know what's wrong with me. It's too damn cold!
Also, I forgot to ask you, do you know any great Chinese restaurants in Madison? Some friends and I are planning a trip up there soon for the Asian cuisine. I heard Nam's Noodles was good. Reponds-moi bientot, s'il te plait!!
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